This week was a rollercoaster of emotions.
To be completely honest, at the beginning of this week I had a huge meltdown. I sobbed in our kitchen to Jamie – “what is the point of this?” I struggled all week, questioning myself. My goal in training for this half marathon was to take better care of my body and push myself to do something that seems impossible, and you know what? I’m doing that and although I’m not done with the training, I’ve done something that I thought was impossible and I’m taking better care of my body. So what’s the point now? What’s the point in continuing to train for 13.1 miles when I’ve already done more than I imagined I could do. I’m starting to feel selfish for the amount of time that the training is starting to demand, and I just wanted to give up because that is what’s easier.
Then on Friday, something incredible happened. On my long run, my attitude completely changed. We ran 7 miles and I thought it was going to be miserable and I was going to be struggling and hurting. I was completely surprised. At mile 5 when I thought I would be feeling terrible, I actually felt GOOD. I felt energized and motivated. Throughout the run, I chose to pray and worship God. I chose to have a good attitude, to find wonder and joy in our run, to dance with Jamie while running instead of growling at him when he turns around to check on me, and to smile when I passed my favorite blooming purple dogwood trees. And I am slowly learning that this is the way to run. It is now so clear to me – when my attitude is sour, my run is going to be sour. Like Jamie has been telling me, “it’s a choice that has to be made in your mind.”
I’m still struggling with the thought “what is the point of this?” but I am continuing on, praying that The Lord will make this His purpose, and not mine.
Miles this week: 13 Miles
Total Miles: 142 Miles